‘If I waited to make memories with our son, we wouldn’t have any’: 14-year-old dyes his hair with help from stay-at-home dad without mom, she becomes resentful

Author image for Molly Vincent
Molly Vincent
Aug 18, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Our memories are some of the most meaningful aspects of our lives. If we forgot everything immediately after we did it, we'd be in a senseless ad infinitum akin to one of Dante's circles of Inferno. So when this overworked mom of a teenage boy asks her husband to wait to bond with him until she's there, he puts his foot down. She's sensitive about them forming memories without her, but his argument is that if they waited for her, they wouldn't have any memories at all. She could take a step back from working, but she chooses not to. 

The protagonist is a single dad who's just trying to be the best husband and father he can be. His wife is an overworked mother who's trying to provide for her family. Though the typical gender roles are switched, it's a hardship that isn't easy on any marriage or family. The teenage son is the one who has to carry the weight of his parent's mishaps also. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any?

    A family struggle.
    via SeventyFour from Getty Images / Canva

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The protagonist is at a loss. How can he be the best stay-at-home dad he can be, and also wait on his wife to form memories with his son? He's caught between trying to be the best father he can be, and the best husband. 

  • 02
    Last weekend, I (39M) helped my son (14M) dye his hair purple. (Or, my good friend who actually knew what he was doing helped
    via u/sitandthink86
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    dye my son's hair while I was there for music requests and object fetching.) It was such a fun day, and I could tell how happy it made my boy.
    via u/sitandthink86
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    I didn't tell my wife before we did this, and that was the catalyst to the fight we're currently having. But for me, it's so much more than this one incident.
    via u/sitandthink86
  • 05
    My wife has been hands off with our child for a while now. His soccer games, little road trips to nearby amusement parks, back to
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    school shopping. She's too busy with work, or too tired from work. So, I've mostly just stopped
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    having the conversations. Why would I waste my breath to have the same conversations on repeat?
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  • 08
    The night we dyed his hair, she started crying while we were talking saying we were making all of these memories without her. I
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    Purple hair.
    via innadodor / Canva

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    asked he what she expected me to do. If we waited for her to make memories, we would be sitting in a dark room 100% of the time. My son isn't even really
    via u/sitandthink86
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    comfortable with her anymore. There is no 'I can't take you, go ask your mom.' Now it's, 'I'm sorry I can't take you, let me see if (friend) is free that day.'
    via u/sitandthink86
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    My wife isn't speaking to me now, and I'm wondering if I took it too far. I don't know. I was hoping some brutal honesty would
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    change something. I would've loved having more kids, but I guess it's for the best now that she said no.
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  • 14
    A mom hard at work.
    via Rido / Canva

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    EDIT: I'm a stay at home dad. The original plan was for me to start working again when our son went to kindergarten, but my wife was gunning for a promotion around
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    that time and asked me to stay out home longer. Once she got the promotion, her hours increased, so that time was extended once again. I am
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    responsible for all the household chores and general home-making tasks. I cook, clean, do all the yard work, all the grocery shopping,
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    etc. I do enjoy being a stay at home dad, but I've been ready and willing to rejoin the workforce for a decade now. At this point, I will be getting a job
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    when my son turns 16 and can get himself to and from school. But my wife still refuses to cut her hours even if I get a job, and gets frustrated every time I
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    bring it up. There is no point in me forcing my son to ride the bus or figure out a ride for himself if my wife still won't
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    make the effort or compromise in order to spend time with him.
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  • 22
    crumpledspoon • 7h ago Listen, this could easily be a gender swapped story. There are so many aitahs about wives who've stopped
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    trying to artificially create moments for their husbands to be dads. And you are just as NTA as they are. Being a parent is so much more than
    via u/crumpledspoon
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    financial support, it's about emotional presence. You are there for your son, and it hurts him each time your wife has said she doesn't
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    have time to be there for him that it now hurts him less to ask. Your son is the priority, not your wife's feelings. She is reaping the
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    consequences of being a parent in finances only. Keep parenting your son, don't hold back your love for him to make her feel less guilty. NTA.
    via u/crumpledspoon

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